Today, I’m going straight to the point. It irks me when I hear people say things like “Let her continue rejecting all the guys. Shebi when she’s 35, we’ll see her at Shiloh.” Or “You can’t reply dms abi? Don’t worry when you’re old and ugly, you’ll come and start praying for husband.”
I’m tired of these Shiloh and “strong woman” jokes. You can’t say anything about your standards or ignore a guy you’re not interested in without someone telling you that you’ll be at Shiloh later praying for husband. Like what’s the correlation please? I said I don’t like you. You don’t meet my standards. Your texts are corny. Take your L and go in peace.
It’s like they think ladies are not allowed to have or set standards for men they want in their lives. Or that marriage is the ultimate goal in life.
I have seen so many people talk and tweet like this and I brought some of these tweets and responses to innocent ladies’ tweets here so you can see for yourself. See how some people think. Just have a look.
I normally try to enlighten these kinds of people when I can but I mostly just ignore. However, the most recent thing I saw on this matter just got me really disturbed and I had to make this post.
Sola (not her real name) made a thread “advising” young ladies to settle down and stop jumping from one man to another. This is not a bad thing in itself. Honestly I think the main point she was trying to pass across made sense but I just had a lot problems with the things she said while trying to pass it across and the examples that she used. She was making sense until within this “advice”, she found a way to say
- Don’t choose career over finding a man. Man comes first.
- Once a woman hits 30, her body starts deteriorating.
- If a woman is not married by 35, she is now an old cargo.
- Women don’t really want equal rights as men.
- You need to TOLERATE men in dating relationships instead of breaking up when issues arise.
I can’t put the whole thread here but let me just quote some tweets from the thread and some statements she made in her exact words. Statements like:
- “You cannot learn how to tolerate a man”
- “At this age feminism dey shack you well”
- “Do we female really want equal rights as the male?”
- “At 40, a guy is still young but a lady of 35 is more like a “Christian mother” What is my point? Make haste while the sun shines to avoid had I known.”
- “At this point of your life, only men of older age like 40 – 45 will come to marry you because young guys of 30 – 35 won’t like to marry a lady of 35 – 38 but unfortunately, those guys of 40 – 45 must have all married. They even married girls of 22 – 27.”
Okay I’m done. I can’t even take anymore.
With statements like “Feminism is shacking you” or “Do you really want equal RIGHTS as men?” I don’t even think this person knows the meaning of rights. See ehn I’m not here to talk about feminism today. Let me just continue.
So Sola feels that when women are young and beautiful with perky breast and spotless face (specifically below 25) is the time that guys chase them the most but some ladies ignore these guys and focus on career. Some break up once they sense any issues while some just while away time with different guys. Now when they are 35 with more wrinkles and less perky breasts, the guys begin to fade away. This means, you better settle with someone before your perky breasts and fine face goes away. Hell oh hell.
I just have so many questions. What if I don’t like you? What if I don’t plan to get married? What kind of mentality does a person have to make such statements? When did marriage become the ultimate goal in life? Can’t I have preferences concerning what I want in a man? If I don’t find someone I like, am I supposed to just settle? If I settle with someone I don’t want and we have a bad marriage, is it better than no marriage at all?
I’ll just address some things and leave the rest to you guys.
Jumping from one man to the other has nothing to do with age and marriage. There are older and married women who are the biggest ‘jumpers’ from one man to the other. Nothing has anything to do with age and marriage except maybe childbearing which technology has created many alternative solutions for.
Also, can people just allow women live their lives? If she chooses to focus on her career rather than men then it’s her choice. If I choose to ignore a guy, then it means I don’t like him. You don’t expect me to marry somebody I don’t like just because I’m scared my perky breasts time will pass. As a matter of fact, don’t let anybody pressure you into that. You’ll be the one in the marriage not them.
Another thing I really don’t agree with is ‘tolerating’ a man. You shouldn’t just say that without emphasizing that they’re are some things you should NEVER tolerate. There are some non-negotiables that you need to stand by. You can’t settle in a violent relationship just because you’re scared you won’t find another man. You can’t settle in a relationship with someone that does not know God just so you won’t be alone forever. Stand by your non-negotiables. If it is a negotiable thing for you, then you can go ahead but I don’t think women should be out there lowering their standards just to get a man.
Then, this issue of feminism. I don’t know why being a feminist should stop a man from marrying you. If he cannot acknowledge and respect you as a person first, before even thinking about gender, then you should not even be getting married to such a person – somebody that does not think women and men should have equal rights and privileges, somebody that thinks it’s okay for you to do the same job with a man but he gets paid more at the end of the day simply because he is a man. Cut it!
I’m laughing so hard at “women become old cargos by 35” because I don’t even know where to begin the lecture. I have so many examples of ladies even in their 40s rocking it big. Plus, who says my goal in life is to find husband? If I don’t find a man I like well enough to build with so what? I’m just supposed to settle?
See I’m just going to leave it to you guys. Do you think Sola is right? Or what do you think about this whole thing generally? Is there place or an age for just settling with whatever you find? Or do I wait till I find what I’m looking for? I just have so many questions. Let me know what you think in the comments sections. Waiting on it.
Much love,
Your tiny eyed storyteller.
TOMI OF LAGOS. 
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